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| photo by slgckgc |
Somebody once said of parenting "The days are long but the years are short". Oh how true!
While walking towards our house on one of those particularly long and full days, I mentally reviewed my to do list and had a moment, which will be familiar to you no doubt, of wondering just how I would get everything done and maintain the pace. It was Friday though and Sunday was coming. I knew I could make it through till then and then rest was assured. Almost. I do have a one year old. The phrase that came into my head was "like running into the arms of an old friend".
Keeping the Sabbath always seemed like such a Victorian concept to me while I was growing up. It reminded me of the tales my grandmother told of being allowed to get out a particularly precious porcelain doll but only to look at, not to play with. Until my final year at University, I did very little differently on Sundays apart from sleeping in a bit and going to church.
All that changed in my final year at University. My flat-mates challenged me not to work on Sundays. I was incredulous as I had finals coming but, far from being kill-joys, my housemates that year were an incredibly vibrant and real bunch of girls who I really respected so I said I'd try it till Christmas.
I became a Sabbath addict. I would often work quite late on a Saturday night before heading out for whatever was planned or crashing down in front of a film because the sense of relief I felt on a Sunday morning, knowing that I had an entire day ahead of me unpolluted by work, was just amazing. Many years later, after we married, my husband caught the addiction. As a free-lancer, not working on Sundays was a tough and seemingly illogical step and he struggled with it at first but it helped him draw a line in the sand, not just between work and rest but also between trusting in his own strength and reminding himself on a weekly basis that, however hard he works, our provision is all down to God.
I don't like to be legalistic on these things and what counts as work to me, may not to you. I enjoy cooking so often cook more on a Sunday but maybe if you hate to cook, it could be a day to eat something out of the freezer or to get a takeaway. I don't do laundry or any major house cleaning but I will make sure the dishes are clean and the kitchen wiped down as it would make me feel less rested to finish the day in a mess. I have to do more now I have a child but Sundays still feel qualitatively very different.
I also mark the day in other ways which switch me into Sunday mode During the rest of the week, I almost always turn on the radio in the car but if we drive to church, the radio is off. It helps my head slow down; something which you may achieve in another way but which is a helpful state for most of us. I also don't shop on Sundays except in very rare emergencies. Quite apart from having moral misgivings about making other people work on a Sunday, I find it too stimulating and it sends my head off in a spin about material things, wishes and wants and our economic situation as a family. I want a day off from that too!
The most fun thing we have done lately to divide rest from work is inspired by the Jewish tradition of lighting candles in the home and saying a special blessing as the Sabbath begins at sundown on Friday.
We also have our Sabbath candles on a Friday evening just to welcome the weekend and to start to switch off from the money-earning week, even if we have many tasks lined up for Saturday. I bake some rolls in the oven and, at 5pm, our daughter's tea-time, we take a roll each. Bread is traditionally a symbol of work. We thank God for the work He's given us to do and the ways in which He's provided for us that week. I thank my husband for all he's done for us that week, at work and at home and he thanks me for the work I've done in our home and looking after our daughter. We congratulate our daughter, who doesn't really understand yet, for all the things she's learnt and the contributions she's made around the house, even if that's just tidying away toys. Then we drink a small glass of wine each to represent rest and celebration and thank God for the weekend ahead and pray that we use it well to rest and to enjoy each other's company. Finally, I light the two candles and thank God that whether resting or working, we are grateful that He is with us and that Jesus is always alongside us. "Shalom Shabbat!" we say (A peaceful Sabbath), and we start the weekend with shoulders about 3 inches lower and a lot more relaxed.
This little "liturgy" is barely that, just an informal structure for eyes-open, conversational prayer, but it is a high-point of our week.Currently, this structure is on the back of a postcard which we keep in the fruit bowl. It might be written somewhere more permanent once we've bedded it in or it may evolve as our daughter grows. The idea behind starting a family tradition for Friday nights was developed in the book "The Heavenly Party" by Michelle Guiness, one of my favourite books of all time but the liturgy she suggested was more formal and would never work with a toddler around so we free-styled from there.
Whatever you do to mark out a period of rest each week, humans are designed for down-time and I can't emphasise enough how my old friend Sabbath has rubbed her sweet influence off on me. I can only suggest if you don't know her, you consider getting acquainted. You may just fall in love.
PS Amendum written in September 2014
Four years and another child on, we still celebrate Shabbat, pretty much as described above but with the children taking a greater part. We still get down the postcard with the liturgy from the fridge - it's a little dog-eared now! The thank yous and prayers are gutsier and louder than before but each child glows with pride as we thank them for everything from forgiving a sibling to working hard at school to helping with jobs at home.
We've experienced some really tough times in those four years - thanking each other as parents for the huge work of keeping a family and household together has been a key to gluing our marriage together, especially at times when it's easy to envy the other parent for the joy of escaping to the office or the privilege or seeing the children so much more, albeit with accompanying laundry duties!
For our children, it helps direct them towards gratitude, both towards their family members but also towards God.
Our traditional prayer as we light the candles has become "Thank you for work, thank you for rest and thank you that Jesus is our special guest." This is usually said by the children. Many people have joined us for Shabbat over the last four years and it's interesting how many engineer to be with us "just coincidentally" on a Friday night. Many have no faith but are encouraged to say what they are grateful for in their lives. We enthusiastically "ting" our bread and wine glasses against each others before consuming them.
Yes, our little Shabbat tradition has become something that defines our family. I don't see us dropping it any time soon.
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